Third Sunday after Pentecost
Proper 5 Year B
June 19 2015
When Danny was still an infant, we had to have his hearing checked because he had failed an earlier test; he had tubes placed in his ears and we were going in for a follow up. Hearing issues are common in children with Down Syndrome, so I was following a path that many had trod before me. Back in those early days, I spent many, many, days afraid for him. Every time I read a book or an article, there were more and more things I had to watch out for; developmental markers, hearing, he had already conquered issues with his heart; the slightest unknown fever brought fears for leukemia… it’s not a great list. I do however, remember reading that children with Down syndrome did have less tooth decay than there typical peers, so there is that.
Anyway, I was in the audiology waiting room, waiting for his test, and there was an older African American woman sitting in the chair next to us. She looked down at Dan in his carrier and smiled. Then she turned to me and said “I know that face. He’s going to be OK, and he’s beautiful.” I thanked her, and as we talked some more, she told me she had a niece with Down Syndrome, who had had a rough time of it early in her life. She had to have heart surgery early on, she had some hearing issues, and the usual low immune system things that these kids have. Her niece was about to turn 24. She told me, “I know she’s going to be OK because she bosses the rest of us around. She definitely knows what she wants!” We both laughed, and I said I expected the same from Dan who came by it honestly. Then it was time for us to go to our test, and I thanked her for her kind words. As I thought about her later, I realized she gave me the hope I desperately needed as a new special needs mom. Somehow her soft voice, her loving gaze and Dan and her laughter were exactly what I needed to bring some light into what was becoming a very dark place for me. I was filled with fear all the time… and she had just the right words to tell me it was going to be ok.
This week, the news has been filled with the stories of the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. I know there is at least one Kate Spade piece in my house somewhere, and even though I don’t watch many cooking shows, I have always enjoyed Anthony Bourdain when I have caught him on television. But apart from that, two beautiful children of God were caught in places of extreme darkness where for them, there didn’t seem to be enough light to guide them out of the darkness. I wonder how many other children of God ended their lives this week that we don’t know about… I do know that suicide among teens and preteens is at astronomically high rates.
Most of you know that I have lupus, and it seems like each year there are new and annoying ways that my body fails me. It is frustrating, and sometimes frightening, and almost always painful, but it is the reality of my life right now… I don’t like it… but, most days, it’s not a deep, dark place for me; sometimes I get afraid, but not often. I have mostly made peace with my day to day pain. I try not to think of what the future might hold.
In our readings today, Paul tells us that even though our bodies, our outer nature is wasting away, that our inner nature is being strengthened; that one day we will know glory beyond measure. And, I believe that, it is the hope that we have been handed for generations Scripture and in the Book of Common Prayer. What I want to say though, is that the hope that Jesus gives us through the Holy Spirit, is not just something for us to cling to for comfort when we die. That’s important, but it’s also important for us to know that Jesus means for us to receive comfort from the Holy Spirit now, in this time and place. This is the world that Jesus loves, and so, this is the world where the Spirit works. And how does the Spirit work? The Spirit works through each of us, depending on us to use the gifts we have been given to bring about the kingdom of God here on earth as it is in heaven. And the good Lord knows we have a long way to go. But we are the light, we are the laborers that have been called to the field to finish what Jesus started. And sometimes I think, it’s not even the big stuff, but it’s the little stuff that matters; the woman in the audiology waiting room did not have to engage me about my son; but she did; she moved beyond herself to offer hope and light to someone else…
I don’t know why suicide happens… I know that often people’s sense of community has disappeared; we don’t know who are neighbors are, jobs take us to different places, people are embarrassed to say that they need help. And if someone succeeds in killing themselves, people say things like “oh, they had so much to live for… I never would have guessed they were hurting…”
In my opinion, suicide is an act of desperation, where it seems like the only answer is to end the gift that has been given by God. How tragic it is that anyone has to feel that way. Our psalm today speaks of the great need of the psalmist for God…”Out of the depths have I called to you, O Lord, hear my voice”... I can say that the Lord always hears our voices, even at our darkest moments; I can also say, that you and I are the answer to another’s prayers. Sometimes we have to reach beyond ourselves and our own worries to another so that they know they aren’t alone; sometimes, we have to offer a word of hope, a word of love. Sometimes we have to be that example that lets someone know they are loved, and that their life matters to us and to God. Sometimes, we have to be that tough love kind of person who says “I love you… now let me get you some help.” There is no shame is professional help; no shame in 12 step meetings; no shame in medications that are meant to help ease one out of depression. You all know that Dan sees a psychiatrist for his autism… that doctor told me when Dan started seeing him that if ever I needed help, he was there for me too… He said I had lots of points against me for depression…. I was female, I was a female of a particular age, I was a special needs mom, I was clergy, and I had a chronic illness that caused me chronic pain… at the time, I laughed him off because I was so used to handling everything myself… it took 2 years but one day I showed up in his office for an appointment of my own… and he said...well, I’m glad you’re finally here. And yes, I take medicine for depression. Yes, some days are still damn hard… but… I have people in my life who reach out; I surround myself with reminders of just how good God is. Everyday I find some reason to give thanks to God… even if it’s just for the crazy puppy who won’t stop barking at the neighbors…
God hears us even in the darkness… even when our lives, our external selves seem like they aren’t working the way they should, God loves us just as we are… if we can reach beyond ourselves to ask for what we need, or at least just reach out even if we don’t know what we need… the light will shine… if we can reach out to another, even when it looks like they have it all together… maybe we can be the hope and light that another needs… If you should find yourself in that kind of dark place, Mother Beth, Tex or I are a phone call away. Please know that because Jesus lives, God desires that we live…
Let us pray:
Help us O Lord to carry to the light of Christ to others so that they may know how much you love them. Help us too, to put aside shame and pride, that if we have trouble finding your light, that we might reach out in the darkness to seek your light in others… amen.
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