Peter is human and so are we

Proper 19 Year B
September 16, 2018

    Back in the days when my friend Bill Mahedy was around, he and I would often get at least mildly irritated at the various goings on in the world.  Bill would always say, “Well Trace, I’m not God, and no one asked me. It’s probably why I’m not God. I’d do it differently.” We would both laugh at the thought of Bill being in charge of the universe, and decided that maybe things were better off left untouched by either of us.  But Bill was also very clear that as crazy making as humanity was, present company excluded, of course, that we were all God had to work with. “Well Trace,” he said, “the problem with the church is that it’s full of people; and, if God wanted us to be perfect, God should’ve done it differently.”

    We know of only one perfect person, Jesus, the Son of the living God; and his complete perfection didn’t save him from the rest of us.  In fact, it might just have been his undoing…

    I find today’s gospel reading interesting, and as is usually the case, if I really look at a passage of scripture carefully, even if I’ve read it countless times before, sometimes there’s something new and different that I hear.   Peter, champion of those with foot in mouth disease, once again gets really pretty upset with Jesus after Jesus tells the disciples about the future that awaits him in Jerusalem. I imagine, that Peter is not only shocked and afraid, but may also be thrown into a state of grief, and he doesn’t hide his emotions, but confronts Jesus with what I imagine is some pretty sharply worded language.  Of course, Jesus turns on him and offers his own sharply worded criticism, comparing Peter to Satan and telling him he’s too focused on earthly things. What I find interesting is the concept of denial that is at play here… First, Peter denies Jesus, something that Peter gets better at as things heat up; he denies Jesus by his inability to accept what Jesus is telling him; in a sense, Peter is denying Jesus and the cross; and then, after Peter gets a stern talking to,  Jesus turns around and says that his followers must deny THEMSELVES… and take up THEIR crosses and follow him. There doesn’t seem to be an easy way to be a follower of Jesus; his followers have to be willing to walk to the same dark places that Jesus will walk, and they have to be willing to carry their own cross… crosses, that aren’t about them, but are about the lives and hurts of others, because the cross that Jesus carried, he carried on our behalf… so Peter had the identity of Jesus right, and the denial of someone or something part right, just not who or what he was supposed to deny; he let his fear and his concern for himself get the best of him; and if cross bearing is about anything, it’s not about us…

    What we don’t hear in Mark’s version of the story, is the part of the story that is in Matthew’s gospel, where after Peter confesses that Jesus is the Messiah, that Jesus tells him that he, Peter, once known as Simon, is the rock upon whom the church shall be built.  So there he is, Peter, a name that comes from the greek for rock; he is the one on whom the church shall be built, and in just a few sentences, we see that this rock really isn’t as strong as we might like. Peter becomes humanity personified… not strong and resilient, but rather someone who makes mistakes, someone who fears, someone who denies Jesus… and yet, this one, this imperfect human is whom Jesus chooses to build the church… and we know that after the resurrection, Peter travels to Antioch and Rome and other places preaching about Jesus and helping the early church settle matters about which they disagreed.  

    Peter is far from a perfect person, and while we don’t have accounts of all of his conversations with Jesus, the ones we do have, always seem to show how much Peter gets wrong.  But here’s what he gets right… he keeps showing up; he stays in relationship with the other disciples and with Jesus; even when things go horribly wrong, Peter always manages to turn himself and his will back toward Jesus and the gospel.  That’s really great news for you and me; at least I think it is… Like my pal Bill would say, we’re all God’s got to work with; we are the ones who are given the gift of the Son and the Holy Spirit, and we are the imperfect people that have been called to take up our crosses, follow Jesus, and become living temples of the Holy Spirit.  Yikes. That’s a lot of pressure. Yet even when Peter got it wrong, horribly wrong, Jesus never said, “Nevermind dude, I was wrong about you”. Rather, Jesus kept calling Peter to be more than Peter thought he could be, and even though he didn’t always do the right thing, he loved Jesus and tried so very hard to live his life as a faithful disciple.

    Being a disciple is hard work, especially when we take the cross of Jesus seriously.  You and I have denied him before, and we all will do it again; we will long to take the easy way out and run from the hard stuff; we will call Jesus Messiah and Lord in one breath, and say, “Oh hell no, I’m not doing that!” with the next.  It’s who we are as humans. Self preservation is always at the heart of what we desire; sometimes, we are able to rise above that desire and do the right thing, regardless of the consequences to ourselves…

    And here’s the thing; we are all broken in some fashion, and probably in more than one; some of us are battling physical issues that make it harder for us to do some of the physical work of ministry that Jesus asks of us; some of us are battling mental illness or addiction that makes it difficult to see beyond ourselves; some of us are too busy trying to support families; and of course, some of us are just plain stubborn or too afraid to get involved, or we get tired of the grind.  I get it. I have fallen into all of those categories at some point in my life; but the life of Peter, the life of my cantankerous buddy Bill, the lives of all of you tell me this; Jesus loves us… and, Jesus can use even us to advance the kingdom, because, as my friend Bill said, “we’re all he’s got”. And there’s a certain peace and celebration in that, because there’s always SOMETHING that we can do, no matter what the obstacles are in our lives. Like Peter, we can just keep at it, knowing that the Spirit lives within us, helping us to move forward towards the kingdom; all of us can do something to help others realize the gospel of Jesus.  We sometimes think praying isn’t enough; but as someone who has been lifted by the prayers of others, I know how important it is; take your weekly service bulletins home and pray for the people and places on the list; we all need to make the work of the kingdom a priority, no matter what we place in our way to stop us. Whoever we are, whatever we have done, whatever ways we have denied Jesus, those are not what defines who we are; it’s Jesus who defines us, because he loves us enough to stay by our sides no matter how many times we deny him. And that, is why Jesus is God and we are not; his radical love and forgiveness is just not something you or I are capable of… but like Peter, we can learn from our mistakes, and keep on going, acting like the disciples that we are.  Today, may we discover some of the obvious and perhaps not so obvious ways that we deny Jesus… and may we know that with his love and acceptance, we can overcome the obstacles we place in the way of our relationship with him, and move toward realizing the kingdom without shame or fear or lack of confidence. Our opening collect for today I think sums this up well:

Let us pray:

O God, because without you we are not able to please you, mercifully grant that your Holy Spirit may in all things direct and rule our hearts; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

Be doers of the word

Proper 17 Year B
September 2, 2017

    I remember the first biography I read in elementary school; it was the biography of Arthur Ashe, the tennis player.  I was fascinated by this amazing man who is still the only African American man to win the US open and Wimbledon. He used his fame to help African American youth by teaching tennis clinics in the inner city. I continued to try and follow Ashe’s life throughout the years; even when his own health became an issue, he was a spokesman for the American Heart Association.  Later when he learned he had contracted HIV/AIDS from a blood transfusion, he was incredibly active until his death, educating people about this disease, creating the Arthur Ashe Foundation for the defeat of AIDS. He was also politically active, protesting about the treatment of Haitian refugees. I admired him greatly. He was one of those amazing people that managed to overcome obstacles and use even a deadly illness for the good of others.

    I loved reading biographies when I was in school.  I loved finding out about people and the things they accomplished.  I still enjoy a really good historical novel for the same reason; I find it fascinating to think about what might have motivated people to act in certain ways.  It’s obviously not entirely easy to understand motives and reasons… but that’s what makes it interesting. But scripture is a different story, isn't it? It's not like reading a novel or biography simply because we are interested in the person or subject… Scripture certainly helps us to learn about God and about the life of Jesus;. But for us scripture is a living story, where we find our own connections to what we hear and read.  And hopefully, no matter how often we hear or read parts of scripture, we still find something new and different to inspire us.

    We hear a great deal this morning about the law, and how important it is for those who want to live a Godly life, to follow God’s law.  The letter of James even calls it the law of liberty. Kind of funny to think about following the law as a path to liberty, isn’t it? And yet, when we have a path before us that helps us to live our lives according to God’s desires, rather than ours, there is a sense of freedom that I think can be experiences by not having to think about some of the choices in front of us; it’s kind of like the person who has been sober for a while, who might think the occasional drink sounds good; yet he knows, that if he continues to remain sober, he will not fall victim to his addiction that keeps him imprisoned in so many ways…

    “...be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves. For if any are hearers of the word and not doers, they are like those who look at themselves in a mirror; for they look at themselves and, on going away, immediately forget what they were like. But those who look into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and persevere, being not hearers who forget but doers who act-they will be blessed in their doing.”  

    Doers of the word… As I thought about this part of the letter of James this week, I had  few thoughts… My first, rather silly thought, was that whoever coined the term “actions speak louder than words” must have paid close attention to this part of scripture; I discovered later in the week, that the term was first used in the U.S. by Abraham Lincoln, whose biography was the second one I read in elementary school.  I knew I liked him! My second thought had to do with being doers of the word, and the word being the perfect law, and I began to wonder… So often, in the New Testament when we talk about the word, we are speaking of the Word as the second member of the Trinity, Jesus the Son. I think that James is speaking of the law, the Torah given by God to God’s people.  For us, though, Jesus is the embodiment and the new translation of the law. In Jesus, the law becomes a living being that responds to God’s people and God’s world, as the law reinterpretted. In Jesus, the disciples and you and I are given not just someone to admire and copy, but we are given the one whose adherence to the law is perfect… We can certainly read all day long about what we are supposed to do, right?  But written words by themselves, while important don’t tend to make the kind of impression that knowing a person or knowing a person’s actions tend to make. It comes down to relationship, I think. If you and I have a relationship with Jesus, if we participate in the sacraments of the church where we receive God’s grace, if we read scripture and truly engage the stories we find there, I think we begin to see and act differently.  If we believe that the Holy Spirit lives in us through our baptism, and if we believe, as we have heard for many weeks now that Jesus is the living bread that came down from heaven, then, we cannot help but be changed. We no longer sit by as observers in God’s world, but because the Spirit moves and prays within us, we long to be like Jesus, we long to be those who reflect his law in the world… the law of liberty lives in us and we are not imprisoned by the death dealing desires of the world… but rather are moved to be in relationship with all of those whom God loves… our hearts become filled with the desire to do the things that Jesus does, things that look like the perfect law that walked on the earth.

    May we be always be doers of the law, no matter how difficult that may be.  May we never deceive ourselves into thinking that God isn’t calling us to move beyond ourselves into the world that God has created… may we always know that God’s law is the law of love that moves us to live God’s law in all that we do.

   

   

Bread from heaven in our hands

Proper 15 year B
August 19, 2018

    I remember the first time I walked into an Episcopal church.  I was probably about 22 years old, and still in the Navy. I had grown up in the Roman Catholic church.  My parents didn’t go, but I would go with a friend of mine and her family usually on Saturday nights. What I liked about Saturday night church is that you could dress a little more casually, and so, I chose to wear my silver glitter marshmallow shoes.  If you don’t know what those are, just google it. They were very popular in the 70’s and I loved mine. They were at Saturday evening mass every Saturday that I went…

    Anyway, when my dad died, I stopped going to church… I had tried to go back at various times when I was in the Navy, but for lots of reasons that aren’t important, it just didn’t seem to stick.  When I got sober, I knew that I needed church in order for my recovery to succeed. That may not be true for everyone, but it’s true for me. I went to different churches back then; it was an eye opening experience because where I grew up you were either Catholic or Jewish; I didn’t know anything else existed until I was an adult.  Anyway, I found out about the Episcopal church while attending a class on European history. We were learning about the Reformation, and talked briefly about what that looked like in England, and how the Church of England was the mother church of the Episcopal Church here in the US. Then my teacher made some off handed comment about “Catholic but no Pope” and my ears were suddenly interested.  I went home that night, and looked in the phone book and discovered that I lived near the Cathedral in San Diego. So, I went to church that Sunday. I walked in, and suddenly, I realized I was home… I realized as I looked at the service bulletin, the stained glass, the kneelers, and of course, the altar, I realized that I had come home. As communion started, I realized what I had been missing in all those churches I had visited.  There was something about seeing a priest at an altar, taking bread, blessing it, breaking it and giving it, that spoke to me deeply. As I lifted my hands to receive, I knew somehow that there was more to what I was receiving than mere bread. Somehow, I knew that Jesus was there, and that I was taking in his presence; I knew I was changed, and I know that I am changed each time I receive communion.
    Communion, or Eucharist, which comes from the greek word for Thanksgiving, is, I think, the single most important thing that you and I do together.  The church does many things; and most of those things are very good! But many of those things can be done in other places, with other people… but it is only when we gather as the church, not necessarily in the church but as the church, and we say the ancient prayers which turn bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ… that is when we are truly doing what the church does; it is our primary calling to be fed with the flesh and blood of eternal life that only Jesus gives… and when we are fed, it is then that we can engage in the work Jesus has asked us to do…

    And the thing is, we don’t have to come in some sort of state of readiness; because honestly, who is ready?  Who is worthy? Who truly understands? Jesus asks us simply to come… and he takes care of the rest…

    I brought a favorite Icon with me today.  It’s called the beloved disciple, who tradition tells us is John, the writer of the gospel that bears his name.  There are several things I love about this image. First, the beloved disciple comes to Jesus, hands outstretched, knowing that Jesus is the bread of life that came down from heaven.  His face is not looking directly at Jesus perhaps because he cannot bring himself to believe he is loved enough to be in the Lord’s presence. Jesus, enfolds the disciple in an embrace while also blessing the bread and wine that he will share with the disciple.  Both the disciple and Jesus show expressions of great love, and Jesus looks beyond the disciple in a way that invites us all to participate with them. At the bottom, the icon says, “My heart and my flesh cry out, O God, O living God”.

    The disciple’s heart and flesh cry out for the living bread that comes down from heaven… his cry, his desire, is our desire.  We come to this table as our hearts cry out for the flesh of the living God, which gives us the gift of eternal life, but perhaps even more importantly, makes us one with Jesus, not just in the next life, but in this one right here and now… Jesus joins us when we are broken and makes us whole; he joins us when we are ripped apart by our fear and anger, and gives us peace; he joins us in our sorrow and gives us joy… he joins us in our death and gives us life.

        I have seen many hands extended just as the disciples’ hands are extended in the Icon.  The disciple brings all that he is to the Christ who gives him everything… I sometimes get a glimpse of what the hands I see bring to the tables I have served… just a glimpse… the woman who was dying of cancer who had lost her hair; the family that traveled to another country to adopt the son they had wanted for so long; the beautiful hands of children who know exactly how to be thankful; hands of friends, hands of those who didn’t care if I was there at all; hands of those whose faith was a struggle; hands of the wealthy, the poor… all of them hands outstretched knowing somehow that Jesus is the bread that comes down from heaven, seeking healing, seeking wholeness, seeking… always seeking…

    Today our hearts and our very flesh cry out to God… may we all find wholeness at this table.  May we find peace… may we find life. If we come, I know that we shall.

Shepherds, disciples, and prayer

Proper 11 Year B
July 22, 2018

I wish I could remember the exact wording of something I saw this week.  It said something to the effect of, “Faith isn't about believing everything will turn out alright; faith is about knowing God will be with you when it doesn't”.

There are lots of reasons I like that… I am not an “everything happens for a reason” person or a “God never gives you more than you can handle” person. I tend to think that most of the time when we say things like that it's because we don't know what to say.  I don't think God just acts in ways that are harmful to us...God doesn't seek to hurt any of us...But let's be real; there are times in every life when it seems like we’re getting beat up on. Stuff of all sorts piles up, we get super busy and can't seem to find our way out of the mess we find ourselves in.  In those times it's hard to know what to do or what to believe.
I would also say, that it's just as damaging to believe that if we have enough faith, whatever that means, and if we pray hard enough, whatever THAT means, that God will make everything alright.  Both of these approaches seem to me to put more power into our ways of thinking, rather than placing power where it belongs, which is with God.

Both psalm 23 and our gospel lesson today helped me to think about faith and about our life with God.  Psalm 23 has been a comfort to many of us at various times in our lives. But notice that the psalmist still has to walk through the darkness, through the valley of death; the faith of the psalmist doesn't protect them from the darkness.  However, their faith helps them to realize that they are not alone as they journey through the dark… their faith helps them to go through it and come out the other side. Faith in God, it seems, gives the psalmist the encouragement that no matter how dark it gets,
God will be with them to guide them through it… not lessen the darkness, but guide them through it.  

Jesus shows us more in our Gospel today.  He tells the disciples that they must go away to a deserted place to rest and to pray...the work of discipleship isn't easy and without time to pray and renew one’s relationship with God, the life of a disciple is impossible.  We can only really know God’s presence when we take the time to know it. As they get to the other side, people start to swamp them again and Jesus has compassion on the crowd. They are scattered and afraid. I can imagine him saying to the others, you go on and rest.  I will take care of this...and then he stays with the crowd to heal and to teach. Their land was occupied by the empire so there was lots of reason to be afraid. I imagine as in other times, Jesus taught them about God’s kingdom and the fact that they had a place in it, a place that made them equals, a place where there were no occupying forces.  He healed those who were brought to him, a sure sign that God’s kingdom was beginning here on Earth as it was in heaven.

Jesus does have compassion, and wants to alleviate their suffering… he certainly heals, but what about those who aren't brought to him?  And what about the occupation? Jesus hasn't come to overthrow earthly power forces; but he has come to teach people what the kingdom of God looks like...he has come to tell them that God is with them, that HE is with them as the one who God lives in in human form.  Prayer, is necessary for us to know God. But prayer is not about controlling the outcomes. Jesus didn't heal everyone. Jesus didn't bring down some mighty lightning to undo the occupation...but he did enter into relationship with the people. He taught them what right paths looked like, and he taught them that unlike the empire, God’s kingdom had no walls, no barriers, no outcasts.  

Faith, love, life in God...none of it has manipulation as it's beginning or it's goal.  We don't always get what we want in our prayers...physical healing isn't always given. But God’s love, given to us in Jesus and the Holy Spirit are a given.  No matter where we find ourselves, Jesus is with us helping us get to the other side. I encourage all of us in this hectic world to go away to a quiet place to pray so that we will always know that we can be led through the darkness, back into the light.  Relationship with God is crucial to our well-being and to be in relationship we must pray… and we, like Jesus, are asked to have compassion on our brothers and sisters who need a Shepherd; may we teach them about the kingdom of God in all that we say and do.

Woman healed

Proper 8 Year B
Pentecost 6
July 1, 2018

    A long time ago, when I first started going to an Episcopal church, there was a women’s retreat in the diocese.  Several of us from the cathedral went on this retreat. I remember the name of the retreat: it was called “And Sarah Laughed”, referring to Abraham’s wife and her reaction to being told that she was going to have a child.  At that retreat, we were all assigned different women from biblical stories. The story I was assigned, was the one that we heard today, the woman who was healed by touching Jesus’ clothes. I spent the weekend writing about this unnamed woman, and praying about her experience when she met Jesus.  Since then this story has always been a very personal and very special story everytime I hear it. Several years ago, the Episcopal church adopted using the Revised Common Lectionary for it’s Sunday worship schedule of readings, rather than using the Episcopal schedule of readings. Sometimes, I am not a fan of the new lectionary; but, today, I am quite a fan.  In the old lectionary the story of the woman was removed; I vowed if I ever preached on a weekend where this passage came up, I would add this woman’s story back in, so could preach on her story. Fortunately, I didn’t need to add it back in.

    This story has followed me since that retreat.  When I was in seminary, it came up again. I was doing my daily bible reading from a different translation than we were using in church.  When I read the story, which was the version in Luke’s gospel, the woman said if she touched Jesus’ clothes, she knew she would be healed; in the version I read, much like today, it said “I shall be made well.” We were doing greek word studies, so I did the study to find out what the original greek said and meant.  It definitely was more of a made well than a healed.

    I find this to be an important reminder of what it means to be part of the kingdom of God.  For me, this story illustrates that the kingdom of God is both here and not here… Sometimes, I think we get so tied up in what happens to us after we die, that we forget that there’s more to Christianity than that.

    This woman’s healing, or being made well affected everything about her, just as her illness had.  She was bleeding for 12 years. Bleeding like that would mean that she couldn’t have children: it would mean that she probably wasn’t married, if she ever was.  She was considered “unclean” because of her bleeding for that whole 12 years which separated her from worship, family, friends, and likely had to beg or depend on the kindness of others to live.  Basically, everything about her life was taken away except the isolation of being untouchable.

What I love about her story is that she realizes when she is close to Jesus that she has already lost EVERYTHING, so taking a risk really didn’t have any consequences she hadn’t already suffered daily.  A strange woman touching a man was already a problem, but a bleeding woman? Oh no… that would make him unclean for at least 24 hours, and likely cause problems, if anyone knew. But all she knew, is that her wholeness depended on touching  Jesus. I don’t think she expected what happened. He knew someone had touched him and that power had healed someone… she knew, she was healed. And now, she needed to fess up because HE knew. She was afraid because she knew touching him could get her in trouble… but it didn’t.  I don’t think in her wildest dreams she could imagine the exchange that happened. “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace and be healed from your disease…” This woman who was shunned from all aspects of normal life, is suddenly called a daughter… BAM ... pulled on the spot by God into the kingdom… adopted as one of God’s own beloved forever… from isolated to loved more than she could ever imagine… and everything about her life that had been taken away, through no fault of her own, I might add, is now hers again.  By being physically healed, her live here and now is restored, as well as her life in the after life. She received a whole lot more than she bargained for… All of it, in the second it took her to touch Jesus, who by the way, is not the LEAST bit concerned with her making him unclean… because, well, it’s Jesus… no one can make him unclean…

What I want to say about this story, is that it has implications for us too.  I think many of us get tied up into what is going to happen to us when we die.  I know growing up I was constantly threatened with some book that God made marks in either for or against us depending on what we did… the holy checks and balances that decided whether we went to heaven or hell…

Having the comfort of eternal life with God is absolutely important and necessary.  And here’s the spoiler alert: Marked as Christ’s own forever. There is NOTHING you or I could do to separate us from the love of God.  Jesus as already destroyed the gates of hell so that we don’t have to worry about it any longer. Like the woman in the story, we have been adopted as God’s own forever.  So, no worries there.

What I want to remind all of us about is that the kingdom of God is also about our lives here and now.  “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on EARTH, as it is in heaven.” We don’t know what happened to the woman after she left Jesus but I can imagine that her life became one where she never took anything for granted and tried to help others as much as she could.  She was now one of his disciples, responsible for helping to bring the kingdom to earth… just like you and me. We might look at her story and think that we aren’t so primitive as to exclude someone for an illness like hers, but if we are honest with ourselves and search our hearts, we KNOW that there are people we consider untouchable in ways that are deeper than physical, where our attitudes and behaviors succeed in pushing people to the margins and beyond.  I would guess that for almost ALL of those people that we find untouchable in deep ways that affect their wellbeing, that the situation that makes them untouchable is something that is beyond their control, perhaps the color of their skin or where they were born, or their inability to work… and yet somehow we have our own purity codes that are every bit as destructive as the ones that helped this woman’s suffering for 12 years. And there are people too, who suffer in ways that we cannot even see; people who look ok, like they’re making it and everything is fine… and yet, some hidden thing, is keeping them from participating in life fully; something is destroying relationships, or destroying them, and we have no clue.  

Suffering people are everywhere… and as those who have been adopted by God, marked as Christ’s own forever, we are filled with the Holy Spirit to do God’s work in the world so that the kingdom might be a reality here and now; a reality that includes all… because God loves all… not just those whom we would consider touchable.  

The woman’s very life blood was escaping her body at an alarming rate… no doubt without healing, she would have died.  There are those in our communities that are hemorrhaging in ways that are every bit as serious. Some have bled hope until it looks as though there is none left.  Maybe, like the woman they will reach out and touch one of us to get the healing they need, but probably not. WE need to reach out, and like Jesus not be concerned with who or why… excuses like, “Well, homeless guys just use your money for booze” may or may not be true, but either way it’s none of our business.  If we have the power, we must use it, no matter who the outcast is. There is much that needs to be healed. I pray we can all be such beacons of Jesus’ light, that those who need to be healed will reach out and touch us… and if they can’t for some reason, I pray we may love enough to bring them into our embrace.

Faith vs. knowdge

Proper 6 B18
4th Sunday after Pentecost
June 17, 2018

    My dear mentor and friend, Bill Mahedy, that I have spoken of before, used to say that he enjoyed seeing bumper stickers that said “Jesus is the answer”.  Bill’s issue with most of the folks who had that bumper sticker, or so he said was that he was sure they didn’t really know what the questions were…

    In our lessons today and in our opening prayer, the issue of faith comes up.  I find faith, or at least talking about faith, to be a difficult if not impossible task; and of course, it also depend who I’m talking to.  Faith, is not the same thing as knowledge; and I think that faith is much harder because there isn’t proof, which I think is the whole point; the minute we have proof of something, then it switches from faith to knowledge…

    Over the years, I have found it interesting to watch how people talk about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and faith… When I go to Barnes and Noble, I like to see the various books that have been written on spiritual issues.  It all tells me that we all have a desire for God; we all are seeking for some kind of connection to God and hopefully to each other; when we get into trouble is when we speak with certainty about God’s motives or about who exactly God is… another need we all seem to have is a need to have answers and to have things clear cut.  Well, there is nothing clear cut about prayer or about Jesus or the spiritual life.

    I am reading a book right now by Rachel Held Evans.  She spoke here at the diocese sometime last year. She talks about her journey from a place where her church provided all the answers to life; where gender roles were clearly defined, and God’s desires for her and her family were spelled out in scripture.  It was a place where faith was shown by how much you prayed and how you prayed; and if something bad happened, then it was proof that you didn’t have enough faith or that you didn’t pray hard enough. It’s a slippery place I think, because people are attempting to have knowledge of things that they cannot know; and, it’s ultimately incredibly hurtful to people and their relationship with God.

    Faith, it seems to me, is often quite simple; I can remember visiting my grandmother who was well into her 90’s.  She didn’t speak much English, but we managed, and I loved her dearly. Each time I got ready to leave after our visit, she would bless me; I can still hear her voice and the blessing in Spanish.  My grandmother was a tough old lady who had been around the block a few times, and she lived a rough life. Her funeral was probably the first time she had set foot in a church in decades; yet, she wanted to bless her granddaughter with the blessing and faith of her family.  I know she had faith in God… and I know that her faith sustained her in those last years when she lost her sight. Her blessing and prayers for me certainly sustained me.

    So to get back to Rachel’s book, and the Jesus is the answer bumper sticker… in her chapter on war stories, Rachel says “So to whatever extent God owes us an explanation for the Bible’s war stories, Jesus, is that explanation.”  Earlier she says, “On the cross, Jesus chose to align himself with the victims of suffering, rather than the inflictors of it.” (Pg 77).

    Let’s face it; on any given day, if any of us have faith the size of a mustard seed, it’s a good day.  Faith is hard; it takes living our lives in community where we are held accountable for our actions. It takes reading scripture together and struggling with the inconsistencies and the dreadful parts that don’t make sense.  Faith takes allowing the grace of the sacraments feed our hearts and souls so that we might experience Jesus in the flesh… Knowledge is good… but faith takes us further; and we know that it’s not a constant, we know that we struggle and sometimes need the faith of our community to carry us… and we have questions… lots of them, and questions need to be asked even when there isn’t an answer.  I am more comforted by an honest “I don’t know” than a sure “everything happens for a reason.” God so loved the world, that God is present in all of our lives in Jesus… Jesus so loved the world that he promised to be with us to the end of the age, and that he would be present when we gather to receive him at his table. He promised he would be in the midst of us whenever two or three are gathered… maybe he said that because he knew that whenever we gather, some of us would need to rest in the faith of the others…  May the love of Jesus surround us all, and strengthen us to have faith in him, and to love the world as he loves it. Jesus, is the answer, whatever the question might be…

Let us pray:  Keep, O Lord, your household the Church in your steadfast faith and love, that through your grace we may proclaim your truth with boldness, and minister your justice with compassion; for the sake of our Savior Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

Reaching out to give hope

Third Sunday after Pentecost
Proper 5 Year B
June 19 2015

    When Danny was still an infant, we had to have his hearing checked because he had failed an earlier test; he had tubes placed in his ears and we were going in for a follow up.  Hearing issues are common in children with Down Syndrome, so I was following a path that many had trod before me. Back in those early days, I spent many, many, days afraid for him.  Every time I read a book or an article, there were more and more things I had to watch out for; developmental markers, hearing, he had already conquered issues with his heart; the slightest unknown fever brought fears for leukemia… it’s not a great list.  I do however, remember reading that children with Down syndrome did have less tooth decay than there typical peers, so there is that.

    Anyway, I was in the audiology waiting room, waiting for his test, and there was an older African American woman sitting in the chair next to us.  She looked down at Dan in his carrier and smiled. Then she turned to me and said “I know that face. He’s going to be OK, and he’s beautiful.” I thanked her, and as we talked some more, she told me she had a niece with Down Syndrome, who had had a rough time of it early in her life.  She had to have heart surgery early on, she had some hearing issues, and the usual low immune system things that these kids have. Her niece was about to turn 24. She told me, “I know she’s going to be OK because she bosses the rest of us around. She definitely knows what she wants!” We both laughed, and I said I expected the same from Dan who came by it honestly.  Then it was time for us to go to our test, and I thanked her for her kind words. As I thought about her later, I realized she gave me the hope I desperately needed as a new special needs mom. Somehow her soft voice, her loving gaze and Dan and her laughter were exactly what I needed to bring some light into what was becoming a very dark place for me. I was filled with fear all the time… and she had just the right words to tell me it was going to be ok.

This week, the news has been filled with the stories of the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain.  I know there is at least one Kate Spade piece in my house somewhere, and even though I don’t watch many cooking shows, I have always enjoyed Anthony Bourdain when I have caught him on television.  But apart from that, two beautiful children of God were caught in places of extreme darkness where for them, there didn’t seem to be enough light to guide them out of the darkness. I wonder how many other children of God ended their lives this week that we don’t know about… I do know that suicide among teens and preteens is at astronomically high rates.  

Most of you know that I have lupus, and it seems like each year there are new and annoying ways that my body fails me.  It is frustrating, and sometimes frightening, and almost always painful, but it is the reality of my life right now… I don’t like it… but, most days, it’s not a deep, dark place for me; sometimes I get afraid, but not often.  I have mostly made peace with my day to day pain. I try not to think of what the future might hold.

In our readings today, Paul tells us that even though our bodies, our outer nature is wasting away, that our inner nature is being strengthened; that one day we will know glory beyond measure.  And, I believe that, it is the hope that we have been handed for generations Scripture and in the Book of Common Prayer. What I want to say though, is that the hope that Jesus gives us through the Holy Spirit, is not just something for us to cling to for comfort when we die.  That’s important, but it’s also important for us to know that Jesus means for us to receive comfort from the Holy Spirit now, in this time and place. This is the world that Jesus loves, and so, this is the world where the Spirit works. And how does the Spirit work? The Spirit works through each of us, depending on us to use the gifts we have been given to bring about the kingdom of God here on earth as it is in heaven.  And the good Lord knows we have a long way to go. But we are the light, we are the laborers that have been called to the field to finish what Jesus started. And sometimes I think, it’s not even the big stuff, but it’s the little stuff that matters; the woman in the audiology waiting room did not have to engage me about my son; but she did; she moved beyond herself to offer hope and light to someone else…

I don’t know why suicide happens… I know that often people’s sense of community has disappeared; we don’t know who are neighbors are, jobs take us to different places, people are embarrassed to say that they need help.  And if someone succeeds in killing themselves, people say things like “oh, they had so much to live for… I never would have guessed they were hurting…”

In my opinion, suicide is an act of desperation, where it seems like the only answer is to end the gift that has been given by God.  How tragic it is that anyone has to feel that way. Our psalm today speaks of the great need of the psalmist for God…”Out of the depths have I called to you, O Lord, hear my voice”... I can say that the Lord always hears our voices, even at our darkest moments; I can also say, that you and I are the answer to another’s prayers.  Sometimes we have to reach beyond ourselves and our own worries to another so that they know they aren’t alone; sometimes, we have to offer a word of hope, a word of love. Sometimes we have to be that example that lets someone know they are loved, and that their life matters to us and to God. Sometimes, we have to be that tough love kind of person who says “I love you… now let me get you some help.”  There is no shame is professional help; no shame in 12 step meetings; no shame in medications that are meant to help ease one out of depression. You all know that Dan sees a psychiatrist for his autism… that doctor told me when Dan started seeing him that if ever I needed help, he was there for me too… He said I had lots of points against me for depression…. I was female, I was a female of a particular age, I was a special needs mom, I was clergy, and I had a chronic illness that caused me chronic pain… at the time, I laughed him off because I was so used to handling everything myself… it took 2 years but one day I showed up in his office for an appointment of my own… and he said...well, I’m glad you’re finally here.  And yes, I take medicine for depression. Yes, some days are still damn hard… but… I have people in my life who reach out; I surround myself with reminders of just how good God is. Everyday I find some reason to give thanks to God… even if it’s just for the crazy puppy who won’t stop barking at the neighbors…

God hears us even in the darkness… even when our lives, our external selves seem like they aren’t working the way they should, God loves us just as we are… if we can reach beyond ourselves to ask for what we need, or at least just reach out even if we don’t know what we need… the light will shine… if we can reach out to another, even when it looks like they have it all together… maybe we can be the hope and light that another needs…  If you should find yourself in that kind of dark place, Mother Beth, Tex or I are a phone call away. Please know that because Jesus lives, God desires that we live…

Let us pray:

Help us O Lord to carry to the light of Christ to others so that they may know how much you love them.  Help us too, to put aside shame and pride, that if we have trouble finding your light, that we might reach out in the darkness to seek your light in others… amen.